What if You Could Choose Again?

For the last few years, I have been unhappy with my life—not because my life is horrible. It isn’t. For a long time, I was content. I believed there was very little I couldn’t do or make happen. But somewhere along the way, things changed. I realized I wasn’t where I thought I would be at this point in my life—and, more importantly, I wasn’t where I wanted to be.

I kept asking myself: Why? Where did things change? Why can’t I change them? I thought about those questions for months, even years. Then I realized something. I had started life making choices. One decision led to another, and eventually those choices became my routine. I bought the house, raised my children, accumulated things, worked, paid the bills and looked toward retirement.  Then somewhere along the way, I stopped creating my life. I was living by default.

I Was Living by Default

I remember one day when I was completely overwhelmed, looking for a document buried in a huge stack of papers on my desk. As I moved things around, the stacks began falling onto the floor until papers were everywhere. It was an avalanche.

I sat on the bed and thought, “All this stuff keeps getting in the way.”  That was a turning point for me.  The papers weren’t really the problem. They were a reflection of something bigger. My life had become so full of things, obligations, routines and distractions that I was simply reacting to whatever was in front of me. 

I have always said, “It is what it is.” But I began to realize that sometimes “it is what it is” is simply another way of accepting a life I haven’t intentionally chosen.  I don’t want to live that way anymore.

It has taken me years to figure out what I want instead. Some of the choices I made in the past no longer fit the person I am or the life I want to create. I don’t want to keep choosing convenience simply because I’m tired, then spend my evenings on the couch counting the years until retirement.  I want to be the creator of my life again.

Choosing Again

I don’t want to wait until retirement to start living the life I want. I want to start now and be intentional about how I spend my time, who I spend it with, what I do, and what I am building. I want to stop simply maintaining the life I have and start crafting the life I want.

Choosing again doesn’t mean burning everything down and starting over. I’ve been tempted to do that. I would love to quit my job tomorrow, but I have bills to pay and grandchildren to spoil. So I’m not going to blow up the life I have. I’m going to change it carefully and intentionally, while protecting the peace I have.  That’s what I mean by crafting a life.

I don’t need to become a different person or completely reinvent my life. I can make different choices about how I spend my days—spending more time with people I love, eating dinner at the table, cooking from scratch, growing some of my own food, spending more time outside, taking better care of myself and becoming more intentional with my money.

For years, I saw these things as just the way life was. Now I see my life differently—as the result of choices I’ve made along the way.  And if choices got me here, new choices can help me get where I want to go.  I may not be able to change everything today, but I can choose what comes next.

What Am I Making Room For?

As I began thinking about the life I actually want, I realized that choosing differently isn’t only about adding things to my life. It’s also about making room for what matters.  I need to make room in my home, calendar, budget, mind and relationships for peace, creativity, faith, family and the things that bring meaning to my life.

Sometimes making room means deciding what no longer belongs—the clutter, commitments, spending, habits and expectations that I’ve carried simply because they’ve always been there. If I want to create a different life, I have to make room for it.

Choosing a Life That Fits

I don’t have to change everything at once. In fact, I don’t want to. I want to make one intentional choice at a time—one faithful step toward the life I’m trying to create.

I’ve also realized that my life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. We are constantly shown what success is supposed to look like, but a good life doesn’t have to look impressive from the outside. It needs to be meaningful to the people living it.

Choosing a different life doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful for the one I have. I can be grateful for my home, my family and what God has provided while still wanting something different.  Gratitude and growth can exist together.  

I don’t know exactly what the rest of my life will look like. But I know I don’t want to spend it waiting for someday.  I want to choose it. I want to craft it.  One faithful step at a time.